I had big plans scheduled for todays post but when it came time to put fingers to the keyboard, I just couldn’t find the right words. The truth is that I’m getting incredibly sentimental. Perhaps you had already gleaned that from my last Food is Good post where I professed my love for McDonalds and other foods that I’ll be missing over the next two years. Maybe you saw the giant ticker to the left and figured that by the time it exited the twenties, you’d start hearing sob stories.
Either way, I have only a week and a half before my bags will be packed and I’ll be saying goodbye to my pets, most of my possessions, and most importantly, my father. In just 18 days I will finish saying goodbye to the rest of my family, step foot on a plane, and take off on an incredible adventure. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly excited for this opportunity and love the prospect of a new beginning, but it will most definitely be bitter sweet.
Every time I hold my kitties or play fetch with the dog, I wonder if they will remember me whenever I get to see them again. I wonder if they will miss me or if they think that something happened to me or if I abandoned them. I know my parents and family will worry and I hope that in time, some sense of normality will set in to subside some of their anxiety. I am saddened by all that I am going to miss, my cousins baby crawling, saying his first words, his first laugh; my other cousins graduation; and all the birthdays and holidays that I can hopefully attend at least via FaceTime.
I think it can be easy to think of this adventure just in terms of personal growth but the truth is that everyone is always growing and changing and that when I come back, not only will I be different, so will everyone else. Everyone will be a bit older, a bit wiser, and a bit more independent. Yes, I will have a new degree, a new perspective on life and a clearer view of my future but that does not compare to the internal changes that is bound to occur.
I guess what I am trying to say is that everything changes and that I don’t think there are many people on this planet who are unafraid or unworried by it at some point. A long time ago I decided to embrace change and to let it be exhilarating instead of debilitating. That doesn’t mean that I am not sad or worried by this trip; I think sentimental is a great word to summarize my feelings. I’m looking back at all of my accomplishments and memories, looking presently at all my friends, family and animals that love me and acknowledging that things will change. Sentiment is a beautiful thing but so is adventure, progress and the pursuit of knowledge, self-improvement and happiness.
My Way of Everything 
Well, I have put myself in denial about the fact that you will be across the world from all of us. I will constantly have the utmost worry about you every day and will be praying daily for your safety. I am so proud of you and yes, I do admire your determination for that education, yet I have days I just wish you would marry a farmer and have your horse farm and all those animals you love so much. A much simpler life for sure. I know two years will fly by , but tonight as I”m typing thru tears, it seems like a lifetime. I worry about your parents..their life has revolved around you completely…. it always will, but from a long distance. .I still remember sitting on the floor of an empty bedroom crying my heart out when your Mom married, and moved out….and she only moved about 3 blocks away from me! lol I will never EVER forget the day I had to say goodbye to Kathy , Jen and Joshua at the airport when they flew to Germany and I knew I wouldn’t see them for 4 years. (I had no computer back then ) . I hung around to watch their plane lift off and just sat down and went off to some place I’ve never been before or since. I suspect that’s how it will be this time too. We won’t be saying goodbye, and I hope once you are on that plane and it lifts off, you will immediately begin to look forward to where you are going and all the fun times and great experiences you are gonna have, and not spend too much time on what you are leaving…because it will all be right here waiting for you when you come back. Life is full of twists and turns, comings and goings, and my wish for you is that when you are as old as I am, you can look back on your life with no regrets, and say, ” Damn, that was one hellava ride” ! lol Remember the little glass heart that signafies ” my heart is always with you.” Never forget how much I love you and how very proud I have always been of you. I have no doubt that you will accomplish everything you want to accomplish. I will close this blog with something you gave to me that was straight out of your heart, and it is one of my most prized possessions. Now it’s my turn to say these things to you :
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much
You wish you could drive all night , just for a hug.
But I cannot be there and I miss you so much,
so I write to you these words, filled full with love.
So many words of wisdom you’ve given to me:
When one door closes, another will open.
You have everything in life going for you.
The world’s at your feet, the world is your oyster.
You always would tell us to dream our own dream,
go where we want to go, be all we want to be.
The last thing you’d say is to take your own time
Take time for yourself, time to unwind.
For all of the wisdom that you’ve given to me,
I have one line of my own that I wish you to see.
Read this poem again, especially the advice,
and take it to heart, apply it to your life.
Now…YOU are such a strong woman, filled to the brim with love.
And I’m so very lucky for this woman whom I speak.
I get to call her Feather…my lovely grandaughter Heather.
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